Monday: OFF– Spent most of this day thinking about how crappy things actually were on Sunday. I went back and fourth with the 19:48. “Really Caitlyn? 19:48?”… Even after an hour run prior to the race, it still didn’t make much sense to me. I felt really tired the whole run, pre-race, race, and post race. Something that inspired me to do this race was the long run I had done the week before… That run was much longer and I closed the last 3 miles in nearly the same pace as the 5k. Granted the 5k was hilly and my long run the week before was flat, but things weren’t adding up. It was a frustrating day.
Tuesday: 9.4, 1:15:00, 7:58/mi- Prior to this run I text messaged Matt. “Taking nap, I’m Dangerously tired.” I was falling asleep driving home from work… so I set my alarm for 5:00 and figured I could fit in an hour nap then fit in an hour run without losing daylight completely. I was so out of it when I started running that I didn’t start my watch. I got to the playground at mile 1ish and took off a layer and that’s when I realized I did’t start my watch. So from there I thought “I’ll just run out and back for 30 minutes” so I could get in a whole hour. Obviously I ended up getting a lot further for the 30 minutes than I ever had and I was thinking “wow, I might as well do the loop instead of Out and back. I’m practically halfway and haven’t hit 30 minutes yet”… I totally forgot that I started my watch a mile from home… so obviously things weren’t matching up and it seemed like I was flying! But on my return trip I was thinking “wow, I’m still far from home, I must have slowed down a bunch.” My watch read 58:57 when I got back to the playground and thats when I realized what I screwed up. I was seriously out of it.
Wednesday: 20 minute warm up, 3 x 2:00, 3 x 90, 3 x 1:00 w/equal recovery, 20 minute cool down; 7.5/1:04 total. What a crappy workout. This may go down in history as the worst workout I have ever…. “completed.” I was dreading it yesterday (because I thought I had to do it yesterday), but dreaded it just the same today. I ran to the back of the Wire Village school and thought I’d do these on the roughly 600m walking path. The first interval I felt TERRIBLE. Really, really, really bad. I tried to shake it off and thought “eh, it was the wind” but the second interval I considered quitting. I literally said out loud “I can’t F’ing do this!” then just as I said that another voice in my head said “just one more 2:00, and then the intervals get shorter… 12 weeks of consistency, Caitlyn”… but the third interval was just as bad as the first two except worse because my feet were cramping and burning. I wasn’t really even doing 2:00 hard anyway. It was more like one minute hard where I tried to convince myself I could do it, 30 seconds where I physically and mentally crapped out and went through the motions, 20 more seconds of pushing hard again trying not to succumb to my negativity, and then 10 seconds of “packing it in”… Bad, bad, bad. For the 90 seconds I decided I hated my sneakers and everything in my running went wrong the day I stopped training in racing flats. I never liked the PureConnected. I only got them because Matt put them aside for me to try, I didn’t have to pay for them, and I left my shoes at home one weekend where I had a long run. (The weekend I fell and nearly split my patella, of course). They have always felt too stiff… SO I did the 90 second pick ups barefoot in the grass… those were sucky too, but how fast can you run when you are barefoot and the grass is not well groomed and the wind is 100% debilitating. I just went through the motions. Then it suddenly got freezing and started raining. I put my shoes back on tying them much looser and just went through the motions. Feet cramped, calves fatigued, wind blew. I jogged home hating myself. Then I went to check the weather for the weekend forecast and found out they had issued a warning in my town because the wind was 45 MPH and may knock down trees. I forgave myself for the really bad workout after that… but still was pissed I felt so terrible, and still hated my shoes.
Thursday: 6.5 miles 49:02/7:32. I knew I could not run alone after the week I had so far. Scheduled a run with Roary in Haverhill after work. I had to drive for an hour first, so that sucked. Roary was killing me, dragging me around the whole place… but I just kept blaming it on the drive and tight hips. I just kept pushing though because I figure things will eventually click.
Friday: 7.25 miles 56:00/7:43. Ran with Matt in the morning. Felt good at times, bad at times… but overall a big improvement upon what I had experienced earlier in the week. I talked a lot about my dislike for my shoes and the Saturday track race. I seeded myself with a conservative 19:10, but I should be able to run 30-40 seconds faster on the track and with spikes… Or so I thought
Saturday: 2+ mile warm up, 5k in 19:32, Too depressed to cool down. Part of me wants to pretend this day never happened, but another part of me knows I needed to do this. The track doesn’t lie. I’m tired of people telling me that mid to high 19’s is not bad. I just want to rudely say: “It’s not bad FOR YOU“… I’m sorry people. Just because I beat more than half the field, doesn’t mean I am not allowed to be upset for SUCKINGGGGGGG.
The road race last week is one thing… there were a lot of variables that kept me from believing it was AWEFUL, but this was a competitive track race and I was being lapped by a girl running significantly slower than my best. I can’t remember the last time I did not break 18:40 on the track. 2005 maybe? I think I ran 19:13? The last time I didn’t break 19:30 on the track? I’m not sure that’s ever happened… that’s just… SLOW! The last time I ran a 5k on the track I broke 18… Not a whole lot of training was done for that, either… I remember everything sucking back then, too. Yesterday however, wasn’t just a sucking, and it wasn’t just a disaster; this was like the apocalypse of my running career!
My splits were all over the place, 46, 90, 92, 93, 93, 94, 95, 96, 94, 97, 96, 94, 85. It’s hard to explain the way I felt. I planned on going out in 47 and running a very conservative first mile… exactly the split I wanted for the first mile… what I wasn’t expecting was feeling like I had run out of gas in lap 3 and faking it the rest of the way. I expected to pick it up each mile and close in 5:50’s or lower. WRONG! Each time I heard my splits I was confused because each lap I thought I had put in more effort, I thought I was turning things around, but it didn’t amount to anything. By the third mile I had realized that there is something just not right with my body and I really and truly almost dropped out of my first race… But despite my incredibly poor performance, I’m tougher than that. I realized “I’m in 4th place, just get 4th place… you came to compete, not for time… so compete DAMNIT and take what very, very, VERY little positive you can get out of this race” What sucked is that I was constantly being reminded that I was being chased by a pack of 3, and so I really did have to compete, and I was like a car trying to drive without an engine. I didn’t run out of gas, there was literally no engine! I needed to trick the college kids into thinking I was stronger than I actually was. I seemed to only have enough energy to pick it up for a 200 without having to regroup for another 200… so I would try to be at my strongest on the straightaways where they were in hot pursuit, and relax a bit on the turns… I absolutely could not allow them within 5 strides of me… because then they would know I was dead… In the last lap I was being gunned down really bad, so I just did what I could. It’s weird I was able to get an 85 out after all that… It’s hard to explain how I felt, but it was as if there were two forces fighting over control of my body, and for short bursts I had control and I’d try to bring the pace back to something respectable, and then for the other parts something else was in control.. and it was this terrible back and fourth. The most agonizing feeling was running by the clock at 18:0x and realizing I still had a lap. How depressing…
Sunday: OFF. After hearing about my race, Joe wanted me to take two days off in a row
To summarize this week: The track doesn’t lie. I could come up with excuses on the roads, and in the half marathon, and in all those stupid little pick up races I’ve done this year… but the track doesn’t lie. If something is not right, the track will let you know. The only good thing about running THIS bad is that it is GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that there is something going on out of my control. I asked Tom Derderian about it when I finished because he has seen me at my best… and now at my worst… and since my coach wasn’t there he was the next best thing. He though dehydration or iron… and suggested a blood test. I agreed I needed to get checked out…. but had a hard time believing it to be iron when I drink 2 green smoothies a day PACKED with iron. Finally I got in touch with my coach… before I even told him my time he said “It sounds like Iron or B12, but considering your diet, it’s probably B12.” Right when he said it Matthew and I both had our eyes light up. The ONE run I can remember doing this year that felt normal was my long run in Week 1. I jokingly remember saying to Matt a few weeks ago “I ran awesome today and I had sugar last night. Maybe I should eat sugar again!”… and for a second after my race I thought that was a possibility. I actually brought up that long run again to Matt on the car ride to get some food and I told him “If I’m running slow because I don’t eat sugar, I’m just going to quit competing. I never want to go back to eating sugar”… Matt swore that it was a coincidence and that I just had a good day for that run. However, when my coach said B12, Matt and I both remembered that I couldn’t sleep the night I had sugar, and Matt always has trouble sleeping if he doesn’t take his B12 supplement… so he gave me one that night. It wasn’t the sugar that made me run faster, it was the B12!
My coach didn’t even want me to get a blood test. He told me to just get the B12 take Sunday and Monday off, and in 10 days he’s sure I’ll feel better. B12 is a supplement most vegetarians and vegans NEED to take. I’m not vegetarian or vegan so I never thought of it… but I don’t gravitate towards a meat eating diet, so I don’t often get B12. Some from yogurt, and some from kombucha… But not even close to enough.
I’m starting to feel stupid for eating healthier. At times it feels like more trouble than it’s worth… but for the most part, I never, ever, ever crave sugar, even with Easter cakes and candy… I felt sick looking at the colorful cakes. I rarely crave or want meat (and if I do– I eat it… and I usually suffer from a terrible stomach ache after), I get excited to go home and cut up some carrots for a late snack.
Hopefully the B12 supplement will solve the problem, because I’m happy with my diet otherwise. I’m still getting the training in, and I’m not sore or injured in any way. My coach says the miles wont go to waste even with the deficiency. So hopefully week 4 will feel a bit more natural. That’s what has been lacking every day. Every step feels forced, and running was never like that before.
Here Comes the Comeback… I hope! (catchy song! Love this guy!)
“Well, maybe it’s the common curse
Maybe things get bad before they get worse
I don’t wanna become someone
Who can’t live up to what already done
Don’t keep it just to figure it out
When it rains and pours, and then it runs out
I was crying on the bathroom floor
And just when I thought I could take no more
Well, here comes a comeback
The kid is back, is back on track”